This is my life & this life is my diamond.

Integrity.

Once again I am right. Whenever my heart has told me that I should fear something, my heart has been right 150% of the time. Let me out something out there for the first time. Over the past 6 years I have either given or been given a rep that I am an egomaniacal human being. I will never disagree with that thought again. Let me explain first before you start judging me on this. I never thought I was better than someone else because I thought I was better looking than them. I never thought I was better than someone else because I thought I was a better musician than someone else. It was never because I thought I was smarter, funnier , more successful, or any other reason than this ONE Reason. This one reason is the reason for all of these years I have thought I was better than almost ever other human being I have come into contact with. I have HEART. INTEGRITY. The things that other people have put me through, ESPECIALLY the ones that “cared” about me the most. I have FOREVER put other people before myself. ALWAYS. I KNOW I am better than other people because I know what it takes to be a decent human being. I know that when someone tells Me that something matters to me I make sure that it matters to me just as much. When someone needs something I always try to be the person to give it to them. If one of my friends told me that something was so important to then, I would never betray then under any circumstance. Even if it would save my life.

So here I am, sitting in my room pouring my heart out on my tumblr so I don’t make the biggest mistake of my life. Some how after all of this I know that I will end up being the crazy one. I’ll end up being the one to blame. Just because virtue & integrity isn’t convenient doesn’t mean that you get a free pass to act completely innocent about a deceitful act. It is no get out of jail free card. IGNORANCE CANNOT be claimed here. DO NOT INSULT ME.

I blame myself. I really do. I brought this situation forward when you really think about it. That is not why I am blaming myself. I blame myself for not being the self center cunt that everyone has claimed me to be. I blame myself for believing in the integrity of others. I blame myself for having hope in other people. I blame myself for loving you. I blame all of this on the sick sadness that has filled my chest. This is MY fault for having hope in you. Hope in my friends. Hope that for once when something REALLY MATTERED to me would remain sacred. Hope that my life was going to change.

I have honestly NEVER been so completely heart broken & infuriated. Honestly, I feel like the person I have worked so hard to become and hold onto is fucking dead. The only thing I harbor in my chest is this extreme hatred. This uncontrollable urge make ruins. This feeling will swallow my soul.

One last thing…

Do not ever insult by telling me you love me. Never call me your brother. Never tell me that YOU love me somewhere in your chest. DO NOT tell me that this is ok. Do not tell me I am over reacting. Do not infuckingsult me. Don’t tell me you fell into this unexpectedly. READ THE DEFINITION OF INTEGRITY AND GET BACK TO ME. You CANNOT own up to things when you are on the brink of them unfolding you fucking sorry excuse for fucking human beings. This does not JUSTIFY anything when I am fucking losing it is not the best time to decide to come fucking clean. Fuck. Do NOT tell me you fucking understand me or what I am going through. Do not try to justify to me that because you have been a fucking scumbag your whole life I should have expected this. Do NOT insult my intelligence. I hope you fucking get massacred in the most brutal of fashions. You are fucking DEAD to me.

I swear on my life that I could tear the sky down right now.

I am so over this whole area and almost everyone that lives here. You do not deserve me. Either of you.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.